Fat-shaming, body love and weight loss: the unpopular view

About the whole big body love thing which is so en vogue just now, I'm going made a very unpopular statement. It's unsafe to accept your body regardless of size. Okay, while you're choking on your coffee and firing off a rant-storm, hear me out. 

I advocate positive self-image no matter what size you are. Making fun of a person's weight, shape, color, characteristics, gender, etc is just mean. But conversely, ignoring obesity (or anorexia at the other end) is dangerous. Accepting the fat makes it easier to gain more weight. It snowballs the more you ignore your growing body. 

And about beauty in obesity-- I may believe that I am beautiful at 100 pounds overweight. But I don't have the right to insist that others call me beautiful. And that seems to be the expectation of those who advocate body love. 

Clearly we all deserve acceptance as humans regardless of body size. But is obesity attractive--that's in the eye of the beholder and the obese person. Most people do not feel attractive carrying a lot of extra weight around. Is that because they have been body-shamed by others? It could be part but it's not all. 

When you are morbidly overweight you are not as healthy. You feel more sluggish and less energized. You're tired all the time and get sick more often. It's not- fat-shaming to say that. These are incontrovertible biological facts. You might say, well anorexia isn't healthy either which of course it isn't. But this isn't an either-or situation. Both an eating disorder and obesity are dangerous. 

And as such, neither are attractive. If you look at me when I was 100 pounds heavier, you can see inflammation in my face. My features are hidden and bloated.  I had skin problems from psoriasis with weight gain. You could even hear the fat in my voice (fat around organs and facial structures makes it harder to breathe and creates respiratory problems). 

It is unrealistic and delusional to insist that others call us beautiful no matter what we look like.  When we genuinely feel good about ourselves we don't need others to constantly affirm it. It sets me up for disappointment and hurt if I say I'm fat and gorgeous and folks have to agree--and they don't. People don't like having opinions shoved at them. They tend to come out nastier than they intended. Plus if gives fat-shamers leverage to mock with. 

So what should we do if we are overweight--hide  in corners and wait for permission to speak? Do we need to lose weight to make us valuable. No and No. We should work to develop self-confidence within ourselves which will give us the impetus we need to take care of ourselves. We should behave as beautiful people, giving to others, caring and reaching out to those in need. 

And then, as the genuine confidence grows, we find the mojo to work at weight loss. And weight loss helps boost the self-esteem. I gain confidence knowing that I have the power over food addictions and eating habits. And we grow stronger, more empowered and capable as our bodies grow healthier and lighter. It's a symbiotic relationship building confidence through healthy weight control. 

Selena Gomez back in rehab for weight loss, anxiety, fat-shaming, lupus--what's the story?

Selena Gomez is back in rehab again and if you're wondering the reason, take your pick. The former Disney child star was diagnosed with lupus and folks were concerned that was related. Gomez also debuted amazing weight loss recently which could be down to online bullying after her breakup with Justin Bieber. Gomez has struggled with body image issues, depression, anxiety and panic attacks. What's the story behind this most recent mental health retreat?   Selena Gomez back in rehab for weight loss, anxiety, fat-shaming, lupus--what's the story?

Health Problems I Lost After Losing Weight

I've lost 98 pounds and dropped from size 18/20 to 3/4. I never had weight problems till I lost two stillborn babies, started early menopause and took the antidepressant Paxil (linked to weight gain ). Once I started getting fat, it snowballed. With 100 extra pounds, came added health problems. Since I've trimmed down and shed weight, I shed health issues, too.  Health Problems I Lost When I Dropped 98 Pounds 

Diet Tip, Get off the Scale

 I'm just a few pounds shy of my weight loss goal of 100 pounds. It's taken me about two years total, but the weight came off faster in the second year because I understood better how to diet. I just tried on last summer's pants and found I've dropped four sizes since then.  At first, I'd micromanage, weighing myself constantly. Now I've learned that's self-defeating. So my advice is Get off the Scale. Seriously

Beat Holiday Blues by Controlling Holiday Spending

Is your holiday spending growing like Santa's waistline? Overspending is a sure route to holiday depression. And if you struggle with post-holiday letdown or even just seasonal affective disorder, getting in debt won't make these conditions any easier to manage. Take it from a lifelong depression sufferer--spending more than you can afford will send depression through the roof with each incoming bill. And I don't know how your depression manifests itself, but I'm so miserable I can't stand myself. I'm horrible to live with. It's not a merry Christmas, that's for sure.

That's why I'm posting tips to keep the Christmas spending monster at bay. There are a lot of reasons for and ways to overspend. Sometimes I spend to compensate for feelings of guilt. Sometimes it's because I'm feeling deprived in other areas. Whatever the reason, no good and lots of harm comes from overdoing it at the holidays. Every year, I struggle to keep within a budget during the Christmas spending blitz. Here's how this Christmas elf keeps financially solvent through the spending season. Using these strategies takes me steps further in my quest to live in joy with medication. read more

My Emotional Health Self-Help Books Bibliography

Whenever I need guidance, comfort, help or advice, I look to the book. The Bible is my guide for life, but it's  worlds beyond the ordinary book. I've found comfort and healing and emotional from ordinary authors, too. Are you struggling with emotional issues: fear, anger, shame, low self esteem, panic, depression, death, loss, grief, compulsive behavior, abuse, addiction, betrayal? Here's my recommended reading list for survival. Each of these has helped me at some point in my life. In my journey to quit antidepressants, self-help reading was vital. I've written this list chronologically according where I was when I discovered each book. 10 Emotional Health Self-Help Books 

Paxil Antidepressant Caused Weight Gain, High Cholesterol, Possibly Stillbirth

Eleven years ago, I began taking the antidepressant medication Paxil (Paroxetine, Fluxetine) for anxiety issues. Paxil is now known to cause many side effects. Weight gain and elevated LDL cholesterol are two problems commonly caused by Paxil. In 2001, Paxil was a newer antidepressant and less was known about it. A therapist had recommended that I consult my physician about trying the highly touted Paxil for my recurrent panic attacks.

Paxil did help me manage and process my panic attacks and anxiety issues. However I became increasingly alarmed over the horror stories linking Paxil with infant birth defects, miscarriage and stillborn babies.Before I had heard of Paxil's link to pregnancy and birth problems, I had taken Paxil during a pregnancy, under my Ob Gyn and midwife's direction. That pregnancy ended in stillbirth.

Paxil also caused weight gain. For the first 40 odd years of my life, I a) maintained a constant weight of 115-130 pounds even after giving birth four times and b) did not take anti-depressants. In 2003, I went on Paxil after the loss of a baby. Since then I've been steadily gaining weight. Yes, I'm getting older, yes I'm in menopause. But those two factors together are not enough to explain this rampant weight gain.

I explored thyroid issues. Initial tests showed that I suffered from some hypothyroid (sluggish, low functioning thyroid) and some hyperthyroid (overactive thyroid) issues. I took Levoxyl or Synthroid. Later test showed, however, that my thyroid was 'fine'. Studies show that the the Levoxyl threshold levels in general testing are way to broad to be accurate. So thyroid issues may still a problem.

Of course there is always the obvious weight gain issue. Too many calories, not enough exercise. For the first 40 plus years, I have been able to eat pretty much whatever I wanted and not gain weight. Well, I thought, that's clearly no longer the case. I went on a stringent vegetarian diet, no soda, few sweets, no eggs, very limited dairy and only yogurt, vegetables, whole grains, fiber, lots of water, the whole diet package. I have followed this regime for over four months. Not one pound did I lose. In fact, I gained weight.

So something was clearly wrong. I asked the doctor if antidepressants cause weight gain and found that indeed they do. Maybe that's a dumb question. Maybe I should have known. Or maybe my doctor should have told me about the weight gain. He's the one filling out the prescription with one hand and scolding me for not losing weight with the other. And you want to know what's really bizarre? My appetite has changed since being on the Paxil. In fact I have very little appetite. Food doesn't taste as good. I have lost my taste for chocolate, cheese, desserts, ice cream, all the things I used to enjoy, before antidepressants, and still I gain weight. But I can also easily binge and not notice it, thanks to the drugging Paxil.

When I googled "antidepressant weight gain" I found a deluge of comments from folks who have experienced the same issues. Now that is depressing! There are better antidepressants for avoiding weight gain. Wellbutrin has a better reputation than Paxil and Depakote. But I decided to skip the drugs and wean myself off from all the meds. I'm continuing the healthier eating program. If you want to follow the journey or have antidepressant horror stories of your own to share follow this blog.

2016 update to this post: Guess what? After quitting the drugs, calorie counting and working at weight loss, I've shed 100 pounds and 10 sizes!

Emotional and Psychological Addiction to Antidepressants

I took antidepressants for seven years and quit all depression drugs in 2009. I was shocked at the low level to which I had stooped with self-care, while on the antidepressant. Taking better care of myself was one of the reasons I began taking antidepressants in the first place. But in fact what I was doing was systematically sabotaging my own mental health by medicating emotions rather than listening to and dealing with them. 

Prior to beginning the antidepressant Paxil, I had put in about 5 years of solid work on my emotional recovery. I was working my program, not to perfection as no one is perfect, but I was making good progress. Then I suffered some major setbacks and decided that recovery was impossible without medication. I lost two stillborn babies and had some terrible experiences with a house we had purchased. It was too much.

While taking the medication, I told myself and everyone else, that I was keeping up on my mental health homework, journaling, processing emotions, listening to my emotions and body, working my program. I was in fact, slipping deeper and deeper into drug-induced apathy. That's because SSRIs and antidepressants do not treat depression. They mask it. They mask all feelings, positive and negative. I didn't realize how miserable I'd become on medication, because the Paxil was preventing the SOS messages my body was sending from getting through to my brain.

A few weeks off from the anti-depressants showed me that I had let my recovery program severely slip. I was appalled at how good I'd gotten at ignoring my own needs. True I didn't get as angry as I once did. But my fault lay in attributing my own strides in mental health to a pill. Rather than accepting that I had grown was developing healthier habits, I automatically gave all the credit to the little pink pill. 

I began to think that without the Paxil, I would become an emotional basket case, unable to function in a healthy way. I was terrified to quit taking it lest I revert to some sort of mindless, psychotic life-form. I was psychologically addicted to my antidepressant. It took a dear friend to remind me that I wasn't a mindless, psychotic life form before I went on the pills I could not revert to something I had never been. 

We learn a lot from our feelings, perceptions and sensations. Anti-depressants may not be physically addictive, but they can be horribly emotionally and psychologically addictive. For more on health, visit my blogs at Emotional Health Help and Health Help 4U. Follow my recovery journey on this blog. 

Quitting SSRI Antidepressants: Understanding Panic Attacks and Normal Depression

If you've been taking an anti-depressant, especially an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) for some time and want to quit, you'll want to prepare for certain withdrawal symptoms. Self-medicating bouts of depression and panic attacks delays recovery. In fact, self-medicating by taking your anti-depressants only when you "really need it" will cripple your efforts to quit.


What is 'self-medicating'? It means to take medication when you subjectively decide you need it, instead of following recommended medical protocol. It doesn't refer to making informed choices about medication that may differ from conventional wisdom. Self-mediating is addictive habit taking medications when you want it or think you need it.

When you wean yourself from an anti-depressant, especially an SSRI, it's very easy to self-medicate. As your body, mind and hormones adjust to an unmedicated state, you may feel "symptoms" that are similar to the symptoms that sent you for a prescription to start with. It's easy to misinterpret these recovery symptoms. Many people become convinced that they cannot get off the meds and can only function "normally" with an antidepressant. 

This is what I call fear-induced medication. You continue taking the antidepressant not because you need it but because you're afraid that without it, you'll be a basket case.
 As you come off the anti-depressants, you will have times of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. These are normal feelings, typically. But while you were on your antidepressant those feelings were numbed. But they were still there. The anti-depressant did not "heal" them. It made you more apathetic about the issues, that's all. 

Painkillers don't cure pain, they mask it. If the pain is emotional, anti-depressants work by dulling emotions. So it only stands to reason that as you begin to live life drug-free, you may notice periods of depression, anxiety, panic and sadness.
 If you can remind yourself that by and large, these feelings episodic, transient and temporary, you will be less likely to run back to the antidepressants. 

If you do run for the meds every times you feel pain, you will hormonal spikes and drug-induced manic-depressive episodes. So walk through the feelings. Give them time to resolve because moslty, the only way out is through. Take it from me; I was there and am now on the other side. It can be done. You're not alone.

Natural Drug Free Ways to Beat the Bad Weather Blues

10 Tips to Beat the Blues Going off antidepressants means finding creative ways to find bliss. Winter, cold weather and gloomy days often mean extra work is finding joy. One of life's little oxymorons: the calendar says spring but the weatherman says cold and drear. If you suffer from winter blahs, take heart. I've got ten tips to rejuvenate you until the calendar and the weather agree. Read More

Paxil SSRI Antidepressant Birth Defects Class Action Lawsuit

Paxil Birth Defects Class Action Lawsuit Against GlaxoSmithKline Paxil is an SSRI antidepressant manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline as Paroxetine HCL. Infant lung, heart and anus birth defects like PPHN, ASD, VSD and other health problems are linked to paxil. Class action lawsuits are filed against GSK. Read More